I won't always love these selfish things.. I don't live forever

Its the year end again, come 7 days, I'll turn 23.

Its amazing that I've already past 22 and I'm happy about it. Not that I think 22 sucks or that I love getting older, but its the fact that I've managed to pull things through! I'd reckon that for most of us, 17 turning 18 would be one of the first turning points in our lives, but for me, the big 22 have proven to be the most challenging one for me. Its a transcendence.

22 has proven to be when I really got my first "early-mid-life-crisis" despite the fact that I actually faced my mid life crisis when I was 12 *flashes back* (a quick one)...I shat in my pants and had the most disastrous standard 6 anyone could have ever gone through. I had to flush my underpants away into the toilet bowl and ran out from school only knowing that everyone had found out I crapped! There I said it!... (back to my original story) This year was when I finally, officially ended my tenure as a student for 15 years. I finally graduated with a Second Upper Degree, and I moved on. I was never a legend or a special person in school or uni, but getting out of being a student has been a big leap for me.

I got a job pretty early, right after I finished my final exams, but considering that I may not have gotten the right job. It kept me thinking, kept me searching for my soul, wondering what I really want to be. Nevertheless, I thought to myself I have to persevere, "You may not like what you are gonna be later, but you'd probably learn to like it".. Well partly true, but not entirely.. at least the bigger part ain't true.. I do love my job in the marketing research field, but somehow, that isn't really my identity.. I'm not cut out to do this thing.. I'm an entertainer, not a comedian or singer, but I'd like to be a TV host.. I've said it once, I've said it twice, but still people have doubt if this would be possible. I've seen and heard success stories about people not being in the industry but have already became successful, my role model in achieving my goal: Owen Yap.

All in all, I'm still kinda lost, still searching for my niche, I'm not doing much now, I'm hanging around and I'm stuck with my job, its volatile, but I'm putting some hope in achieving my dream someday. Till then, I still have my daily 7pm-late to relax and quit from thinking about work. :)

I've learned the value of money, I've to pay my dues and bills, and I've got the rights to spend on things I've been eying on for ages. But life revolves around karma, its an equilibrium, its all about pull and push system. With a meagre salary, I've made myself clear and also a certain extent of regret that money don't come easy.. And that I'm happy and proud to say that I was not that very spoilt as a kid.

I've finally got enough money to buy bigger presents for my mom and dad, buy them dinner, buy them lunch... I ain't got much to provide allowance, but I'll try harder mom, dad.. I finally realize I have my needs and wants, and sometimes I can't satisfy mine, and sometimes I can't satisfy others'... Money is a bitch and that's why I want more, but Its propotional with time and that has to wait.. Well obviously I wish its exponential.. :)

I've finally gotten my tattoo, which I will be adding another piece PRETTY SOON... also self designed (proud to say). And.. I've not been spending money to buy a short pants to replace the one I've been wearing for 2 years already.. my faithful Quiksilver black short pants, although my mom has been urging me to change it already.. heh.

This year also marks the period I've already been single for.. HOLY FUCK! more than 2 years.. Sometimes it leaves me wondering... why does infatuation comes and after awhile takes everything away? And the problem is.. it keeps coming on and on, leaves me hanging in the middle.. I'm still trying to find the cause and what causes it and any scientific reasonings that I could possibly come up with.. I'm wondering if it would someday kill me off, Will get overdosed?
But I think my remedy is coming really soon.. Well, maybe.

Since, I've got not many human companions in KL, these are the few things that hold dear to me:

1. My uber cool and super-functional Nokia 5300.. Swear to god, this is the most versatile thing that is portable ever created. I love you so much, you keep me safe with music all the time; sleeping, waiting for/in the lrt, walking to work, in office toilet, driving, jogging and gym time.

2. My Toshiba Laptop equipped with Streamyx. Well, without the Streamyx, there will be not much of a use right? :D I need to be connected to my world every day and night.

3. My sis's and mine, our faithful Red Wira, that have been serving my sister since she's up in KL and now, me in addition.


Good bye 22y.o... welcome 23y.o

"You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine"

***

Why the Malaysian Angkasawan will only be a space tourist? Why didn't KRU made it big when it went international? Why DOES proton suck? Why Malaysian Football Team will never make it big? Why aren't there any big malaysian indy bands? Why is it that the only thing that tourists are amazed is our culture and food, instead of the things we have done? Why, why? Are you wondering why too?

Cos we are fucking Malaysians and Malaysian Indy Bands SUCKS! SUCK BIG TIME! FUCKING SUCK! FUCK OFF YOU STUPID WANNABE MUSICIANS! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO MAKE MUSIC YOU FUCKING SICK PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE MY EARS BLEED!

I am saying this after reading this STUPID MAGAZINE CALLED JUNK, you fucking suck wei.. the best damn magazine (TONE) in Malaysia has already stopped publishing, but you're not doing it any good.. And I can't believe this statement said by a group called DIAN BANG.. "I composed this song on a laptop with a simple music software, the lyrics took me three weeks to finish, the music just one..." WHAT THE HECK? DO YOU KNOW MUSICIANS IN US TAKES FREAKING FEW YEARS TO PRODUCE A NEW ALBUM, AND JUST TO MAKE ONE FUCKING SONG PERFECT, IT WOULD HAVE ALREADY TAKEN UP A FEW MONTHS!? AND YOU JUST FUCKING SPEND A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND RELEASE IT IN A STUPID CD AND TRY TO BLEED MY FUCKING EARS? YOU BUNCH OF IGNORANT MORONS! AND FUCK YOU JUNK FOR MAKING ME SPEND 10 FUCKING BUCKS! I THOUGHT YOU'D DO SOME JUSTICE TO TONE.. BUT NO! YOU SUCK! YOU FUCKING SUCK!

This is how I strongly feel when I see something related to music suck so bad.. I'm sorry if I offended any of you, but all you local indy bands suck... check out the magazine called JUNK if you wanna know.. I don't even thing the names are worth mentioning here. You know what, JUNK is just another magazine that should be distributed free like JUICE cos both you magazines don't worth a single shit!!

Well I don't blame us normal citizens.. It was how the education system made us behave in such a way:


Very sad to say, this is a fact... If you've studied economics, then you'll know this basic principle of economy. As you can see, we are being brought up in a way where we know many fields..In other words, we think horizontally.. We know Science, we know maths, we know languages, we know geography, we know chemistry, we know physics, we know history..

Now whats the difference between us and Americans? The know NUTS about other things.. they only put full attention to a single thing that matters to them.. And in this context, I mean music.. Just look at how successful they can be? They are willing to put their life into what they are doing! just like in making inventions.. Why do most inventions come from the states? Because they HAVE PASSION!! Unlike us.. We're just a fucking bunch of 'Jacks of all Trades.. Masters of none'... We have to change! Change! Or else we'll just be like the Angkasawan! You don't wanna go to space and just sit down doing nothing!!?

We have to start thinking VERTICALLY!

No offence.. Feel free to voice out your criticism on the topic I was talking about, and if it really offended you, please speak out! Finally, I have to reinforce my main point.. MALAYSIAN INDY MUSIC SCENE SUCKS! but people like Jason Lo, One Buck Short and Pop Shuvit are ok though.
If you feel angry about what I said, please speak out.

***

I've finally decided to discard the original design and came up with a newer design

My new tattoo design. (DO NOT CRITICIZE ON THIS. IT IS A VERY PERSONAL PIECE OF ART AND IS NOT OPEN FOR DISCUSSION. ONLY COMPLIMENTS) Thank you.

Mod of my tattoo

Life aint perfect if you don't know what the struggles for

Last saturday I finally got my tattoo done.. after a few years overdue. It was kind of a now or never thing, not something very unusual to me but I'd say it was very sudden.

I designed the tattoo myself, with some touch up done by the tattoo artist. A very good tattooist indeed. But I have to admit, that you have to endure constant pain in order to get a tattoo like that done. Worth every single bit of blood, sweat, $ and time.

Actually, everything you do in life, be it right or wrong, there are lessons to be learned. A simple example will be, failing in doing something would mean that you did not have enough preparation and succeeding in something means that you have learned that if you did your homework, you'd be able to make it in anything you do. So regardless of failing or succeeding, either way you learn something valuable.

This is something I learnt from getting myself inked. When I showed the tattoo artist my design, I sort of asked him to change quite a number of things, but he replied "I can't change to many things for you, if I think it is beautiful, it may not be so for you, so the most important thing is you have know what you want". Cos that very tattoo will be following you for the rest of your life...

I was in a short conversation with my friend last night when he said he'd never do a tattoo for the fear of regretting when he's much older. He did admit he's a fickle minded person and that would be the reason why he doesn't want to get a tattoo.. Well, I'll beg to differ, because when everyone told me I might regret stretching my ear lobe, cos this kinda things do not last. I did stop stretching but I didn't regret doing it and if given the social permission to actually do it.. I'd do it.

I love arts in any sense and that includes body art. If I didn't I wouldn't have even thought of getting a tattoo done after my I did my piercing. I believe that I am a fickle minded person, but getting this tattoo done teaches me the fact that at some point of your life, you've gotta learn to make a decision, that would affect your future and there certainly be no turning back. I'm glad I had this tattoo. It all came by at the right place and time.

How far would you go to change yourself?

"Falling down aint falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor

It's called the past 'cause you're getting past

Then you call it a lesson learned"

No Regrets