不知不觉已经那么久, 我待在这没有你的冰河期中

All my life, the person that I've always looked up to.. is my sister. Eversince I was a young boy, I benchmark everything i want to achieve to what she's achieved. Well what made me this way? My mom made it this way, very sad to say, that I come from a family who never stopped comparing with each other, who's doing better than who..

Thats what people from Gen X would think and behave, but its really a malaysian thing to compare your children. I guess that's how we improve and how we bond with each other. Honestly I would never choose that way to bring up my children in the future.. I still love my mother very much, despite my hatred for this typical chinese behaviour. Well, I'm already beyond that time of comparison, what's important now is that I'm happy and I'm happy with what I do. Even if I'm doing it just for survival reasons.

But I'm already half way there, searching for the real me. All my life, I've been taught and thought to do better, and to skip my sister's mistakes and to do the right things. Look, if I were to be like that, I'll never be myself, I'll never find myself. I'll always be Serina Chow Yin Yin Version 2, the debugged version. I don't wanna be a revised version of my sister. I wanna be myself, i wanna be the Julian Chow beta version, who gradually evolves into my very own version 1... I wanna do the mistakes that I'm supposed to encounter, the challenges, the things I do that I shouldn't have done. Experience is still the best way to learn. Not books.

Office kenduri session

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New original designs. Place order here.

Hope of deliverance

The fact about me is, I don't really know how to meet people anymore. I think I'm at the point of stage where I've already reached my peak in socializing. The new people I see or know are the ones that added me in friendster, who in time would be adding me to their MSN list. But my status is, just presence in their list. Even if I do chat with them, I just don't chat with them anymore, or we forgot about each other. I really lost my "New-Friends-Stamina". I no longer have the ability to get to know people more. I really don't hope this happens to me (it is worse enough I am not a very sociable person, even worse when this happens to someone like me). As you age, you get more lonely. (Sorry, working in a Marketing research firm made me think of things this way).
Well this turns out to be quite an important thing to me, why? cos it also helps in finding my other half, if I can't know new people, then, then, then.. it would be hard for me to find a GF!? haha I sound so desperate, well not so much.. I don't really like working, cos it means lesser friends outside my working world. People are busy with their own stuff and no longer share the same problems. Well "I can wait another day, until I call you again/ but another lonely night, might take forever". But I hope I'll come to the chorus singing "No more lonely nights"

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Nothing's more endearing than being called a "fucker", "bastard", or "cibaikia" by your friends. Fuck is such a versatile word, you use it to curse, or even to stress on something. But most importantly, it also a word of affection. The only people allowed to call me a fucker would be a person I trust or someone I know will always be there for me. Well, you know who you are. :)

I don't know but calling names among friends, seems so painful at first, but it gets better as you grow with it. My friend Kenny, my childhood friend, the guy whom always beat me in chess, and the guy who I can talk to, called me "biscuit" (it used to be Julie's biscuit, but gotten lazy after a few months and shortened it to just biscuit) all along since std 3 up till like when I'm in form 3, until we actually have different "set" of friends anymore. I met him not too long ago, and hearing him calling me Julian just felt different. Well time changes everyone, and sometimes, breaking people apart.

Therefore, for all the names that all of YOUs called me, I actually appreciated them, although they sounded crude and silly, just like, Kucing, Julie, Julian Chow Cibai, Muskelman, Mr Bukit Beruang, I actually liked them :). At least I know that people actually remembers me. I'd rather have that than to have someone knowing my name but don't know who I really am.
Sometimes life spanks you hard in the ass.. Its like beating, but an affectionate kind of beating (Kin.. ahem,.. Ky). You know what I mean.

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Today marks the day (yet another one) where I actually drank my first bottle of beer, since I adopted the straightedge principles. Well I didn't drink like a drunkard, That bottle was for a friend who'll be leaving us for a fresh start. Well good for you, and bad for me, cos I still don't like the taste of beer. :) Well surprisingly, I did not get any allergic reaction. Well, must be because I down the beer real slowly, like in 2 hours I'm still not done with my first bottle. What the heck, even my Executive Director told me "You're a man, must learn to drink!" But that ain't gonna stop me from not drinking. Cos I just don't like the bitter of a beer, I like the bitterness of bitter melon :) (Something that I drink all the time).

Well, all I can say is, the next time I'd drink again, is when someone close leaving me again for something better in their live (not even on my birthday, please don't force me to drink anymore. (Here's to our friendship! my friend)

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Yeah, me.

But hey, if you really like this shirt, I printed it myself and am selling it at RM25 only.
I have other designs and more to come.
Feel free to leave a comment.

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WTF, really, WTF.. My boss wanted to start a pork only burger restaurant, and asked a few of my colleagues if they want to chip in. He suggested the name "Pig Nation", "Pig out".. He thinks it'll work if he can price it at McD's price. He's been longing for a real Hamburger with pork bacons, but to his dissapointment, it can't be found in Malaysia, hence his idea of starting a pork burger business. This is his campaign:

It was a colleagues idea, in words.. I turn it into an image.. This clearly
a joke.. Please don't sue me

Look like black pussy after a dick ejaculated into it sial..
sorry, I just love to say gross things.

101st emotions.

This is how I feel

What you say are almost always from the surface, but the things that you are afraid to say are often passionate, truthful and honest. Like "I'm proud of you, my friend no matter what you think I thought about you" and "I just need to follow you home cos I'll be sorry if anything happened to you"

Sometimes you know these things need to be said, but how often would you be brave enough to let it out? especially he or she is someone dear to you? I'm a coward in love. I never really had a tough relationship and I took it for granted and here I stand only able to helplessly feel this:

"偷偷爱你"