不知不觉已经那么久, 我待在这没有你的冰河期中

All my life, the person that I've always looked up to.. is my sister. Eversince I was a young boy, I benchmark everything i want to achieve to what she's achieved. Well what made me this way? My mom made it this way, very sad to say, that I come from a family who never stopped comparing with each other, who's doing better than who..

Thats what people from Gen X would think and behave, but its really a malaysian thing to compare your children. I guess that's how we improve and how we bond with each other. Honestly I would never choose that way to bring up my children in the future.. I still love my mother very much, despite my hatred for this typical chinese behaviour. Well, I'm already beyond that time of comparison, what's important now is that I'm happy and I'm happy with what I do. Even if I'm doing it just for survival reasons.

But I'm already half way there, searching for the real me. All my life, I've been taught and thought to do better, and to skip my sister's mistakes and to do the right things. Look, if I were to be like that, I'll never be myself, I'll never find myself. I'll always be Serina Chow Yin Yin Version 2, the debugged version. I don't wanna be a revised version of my sister. I wanna be myself, i wanna be the Julian Chow beta version, who gradually evolves into my very own version 1... I wanna do the mistakes that I'm supposed to encounter, the challenges, the things I do that I shouldn't have done. Experience is still the best way to learn. Not books.

Office kenduri session

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