The Bro Code (Inconclusive)
The Bro Code
- ARTICLE 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
- ARTICLE 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present - time observed ratio.
- ARTICLE 58: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his bro, regardless of whetrher he thinks his Bro already knows.
- ARTICLE 59: One Bro makes a solo attack
A Second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much.
- ARTICLE 60: Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.
- ARTICLE 61: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother
- ARTICLE 62: In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.
- ARTICLE 63: In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the first bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
- ARTICLE 64: A Bro must provide his bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro’s favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.
- ARTICLE 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
- ARTICLE 66: If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
- ARTICLE 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
- ARTICLE 68: If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country.
OTHER ARTICLES from the Bro Code Archive:
- A Bro shall, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.
- A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro of an impending or ongoing girl fight.
- A Bro shalt at all times say yes.
- Mom of a Bro is always off limits, but a Stepmom is fair game if she initiates it or is wearing at least one piece of leopard print.
- Thou shalt not make make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way
- Thou shalt not sleep with your Bro’s ex-girlfriend.
- ARTICLE 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
- ARTICLE 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present - time observed ratio.
- ARTICLE 58: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his bro, regardless of whetrher he thinks his Bro already knows.
- ARTICLE 59: One Bro makes a solo attack
A Second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much.
- ARTICLE 60: Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.
- ARTICLE 61: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother
- ARTICLE 62: In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.
- ARTICLE 63: In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the first bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
- ARTICLE 64: A Bro must provide his bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro’s favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.
- ARTICLE 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
- ARTICLE 66: If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
- ARTICLE 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
- ARTICLE 68: If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country.
OTHER ARTICLES from the Bro Code Archive:
- A Bro shall, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.
- A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro of an impending or ongoing girl fight.
- A Bro shalt at all times say yes.
- Mom of a Bro is always off limits, but a Stepmom is fair game if she initiates it or is wearing at least one piece of leopard print.
- Thou shalt not make make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way
- Thou shalt not sleep with your Bro’s ex-girlfriend.
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Labels: BroCode
posted by Jules at 8:16 PM
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