Merdeka!

My first few days of work have been great because of all these people... who have helped me and helped me to go through the hard times during work... And not to mention, some of these few people have already left the company... hehehe

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Since the past one year, up till now, i have been thinking. Thinking about my future in love. When I think about love it all always lead to MONEY.. Thats how I think, or that's how people in my life made me think. Money has never came to me as something easy, I did not get what my friends got. And I fucking bitter cos of money. I sometimes think, apart from friends and family, money comes after other people, cos I'll be seen in the same way, vice versa.

The same goes to love, perhaps I've grown matured because now I think about money instead of love. I'd rather not break someone's heart now because I know love is not only about love. Its about giving and taking. What giving and taking means that ideally, you would want to have the same amount of give and takes as your partner, and it always doesn't happen the way you want, which leaves the relationship getting uglier.

At times, I admit that I succumbed to infatuation, but a crush is just a crush, money is thicker than that damn infatuation. Thinking about the trouble of getting into a relationship gets me all worked up and sick... Sometimes, I'm lost, whether I would get married or not, when will I ever be financially independent? Will I be richer than you, you and you? I started small, but I wanna end up big. I wanna be the best among everyone that I know, I can't be lower, thats how I see myself.. All thinking big, all thinking about earthly desires. Honestly, I am a bastard, only relating to god when I'm in trouble, a true bastard in this pathetic world.

But if there's anything I wanna do, love (getting into a relationship) comes second, after money. I've been thinking, the only person who can qualify to be my spouse must be a person, whose personality is as perfect as my mother, who would treat my future son the way she has treated me, in which I only have sweet memories as to how she has brought me up and never before have I ever have anything that I remember I am unhappy about what my mother did to me before.

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Oh and by the way happy merdeka to all malaysians. I am very glad that I come from malaysia, and to call Melaka my home. If anyone of you malaysians, would complain about malaysia, fuck you. (Anything you could complain about are the weather, and people who do not know how to throw rubbish in the designated areas... other than that, Malaysia is already a perfect place for all of us.)